12 years of masturbation from which 8 years of masturbation while watching adult content (pictures and movies).
I am in the 7th grade at school, when I first find out about masturbation. Strange, new and not that exciting first time. Everything went normal (I think) as a young boy discovering his sexuality. However in less than 1 year I started to prefer masturbation over studying. More time went by. I have 15 years old and masturbation is my refuge. Almost every night before bed I masturbate. I start to experience the first unwanted effects: lack of energy.
More time went by and I discovered television with it’s side of adult content. Slowly I began to get a taste of masturbating while watching softcore movies on TV. At about 18 years old I get my first PC and the addiction took off. I think if I would put together all the adult movies seen, there are years of continuous pornography.
In the past years before I stopped, I used to masturbate for hours while watching porn. Looking back now, I can see clearly that while the negative effects increased, the pleasure I could get out of masturbation would decrease.
Here is a short list of undesired effects that I had, due to masturbation and porn addiction:
– lack of energy
– isolation from the others – lack of desire to interact with other people
– low weight due to fewer and fewer meals
– erection problems
– decrease pleasure while having sex
– problems keeping a the relation with girlfriend, family and friends
– lack ability to socialize
– less time to do other things
– concentration problems
– lack of interest for life
All this increased during the 12 years, until I decided to STOP. The price paid was too high and the benefits were almost none.
Here are the 3 SHIFTS that made me stop:
1. Let it go (exercise)
3. Let it go for good (exercise)
1. Let it go
deciding to stop porn addiction and masturbation
Costs and Benefits of Addiction
While the costs of my masturbation and porn addiction, were starting to be more and more visible, I realized that there are some hidden benefits. This ‘hidden’ benefits where the part that was holding me back. The process of discovering this benefits and realizing the effects, continued until I stopped. It started with 1 exercise I found on this book. The exercise is named “Falling out of love” and I adapted for my addiction.
I searched to find if the exercise it freely available online to share it here. However because I haven’t found it and due to respect for the author work I recommend that you buy the book.
Took me about 40 minutes to do the exercise. During the next weeks the results were present. I could still feel the craving, but it was manageable. I stopped watching porn and masturbation for 3 or 4 weeks.
There were differences!
Although I was aware that I hadn’t stopped for good, I realized that the frequency of my compulsion was down. Compared to how often I used to masturbate and watch porn, now it was down to 20-30% frequency. There were times I could control my urge and at this point I could stop after maximum 20-30 minutes, while before I would masturbate from 1 hour up-to 7 hours.
As I understood that the exercise had me going in the right direction, I started to see that my mind became clearer and clearer. The only time I was getting my head all fuzzy, was the days I would engage in porn or porn and masturbation. This is how I started to compare different states I started comparing my state of mind and energy on:
– times that I was watching porn and masturbate
– with times that I wasn’t
The process of getting aware of the effects/benefits seemed to appear on it’s own, so I took advantage and searched for more differences. I looked at all the effects I was able to recognize; from benefits to unwanted effects.
This was groundbreaking for me and now I realize the importance of this step. The entire process went both on my body and mind level. As time past by I realized that experiencing the transformation both on body and mind level, made a big difference.
Here are the ‘hidden’ benefits that I had from my porn addiction:
– I wouldn’t had to deal with life challenges, as I was disappearing in the virtual world
– I had the illusion that I can control my life
– I was getting the most intense orgasms I ever had; although in the past years I couldn’t get anymore pleasure out of masturbation; I would kept going for hours thinking that I would at some point
– I was scared of not having the refuge of porn and masturbation, so I thought I had protection from my addiction
– it was easier to just open the laptop and unzip my pants, than having sex or doing anything else
– I could easily avoid the work I had to do; I would just watch some porn and start masturbating for hours, until the day was almost over, then I would say: “ohhh, the day is over, I can’t do the work at this hour..”
– I could easily forget about any problem/challenge I had; I would masturbate until I couldn’t keep my eyes opened so I can sleep without having to deal with my problems;
Probably there were more, but these are the ones I remember. As I write this down, I realize that back then this benefits were formulated differently. They looked much more appealing and they were formulated positively. Anyone that will go through this process will realize the power of bringing these benefits to your conscious mind as well.
3. Let it go for good
Giving a K.O. to my porn addiction
Similar to the time when I took the decision to end up my addiction, I realized that I wanted more, than to simply stop watching porn and masturbate. I had a new goal and I intended to get it.
The process of getting aware of the costs/benefits, got to a ‘critical mass’. Now I knew and I felt with every cell of my body the costs of my addiction. This is the time when I thought to set other goals as well:
– for every ‘hidden benefit’ discovered I accepted it. Then I thought of how I could overcome it, what I wanted to do. For some benefits I found other ways to get them and other benefits I decided I wanted them no more, so I replace them with other benefits I wanted.
– what I wanted to do with my time. Now that a big portion of my time was getting freed, I wanted to do the things I wanted to do, but never got the motivation for.
– I started to look forward in my future. I started to think of how I wanted my life to look like.
Here is part of the list of the Goals I sett up about 1 year ago:
– meeting interesting people; people that are great, that could inspire me in different fields of life (career, health, family)
– having an amazing sex life; sex meaning sex with another person!
– travel; go to places I felt I wanted to go
– sports; since I was little I dreamed of doing different sports – perfect time to start some
– making a group of friends that I would enjoy to go out with
While listening to someone that stopped smoking, a line got stuck in my head forever: “I said I will Stop and I simply Stopped.”
Determination and Intention
The moment I ended my addiction, was when I decided I will free myself from it and instead put all the things I wanted (the Goals I sett up). I remember that the day I took the decision, was a usual day, but I felt no longer usual. I felt different. I felt focused, like there was only 1 option for me: Live Life.
So I took the exercise from the book, memorize the steps and applied it. Took about 45 minutes and I felt like it was 5-10 minutes.
From that point I simply stopped masturbation while watching pornography. The urge, the compulsion is simply a memory now. It’s gone. All is in the past.
I was talking to a businessman and he was telling me how he achieves his goals: “I walk on until I get where I want.”
A new Beginning
Since then my Goals got alive. I finally got out and I am still meeting new people that inspires me to do things I never thought I could. My sex life is getting better and better, at the same pace my relationship is getting better. Few months after stopping the addiction, I could have intense orgasms while having sex and now it’s getting usual to have great orgasms. Traveling – this is not quite achieved. Been to only few places and I want more of it. Sports – I started to practice 2 kind of sports (both are Martial Arts). I finally feel that I have a few friends I can enjoy going out or travelling with.
This is only a small outline of the benefits I experience since then. Most of the things happening now, where not included in my goals, so this is my reason of not sharing them. I prefer that you experience them on your own. The power of self experience is far beyond anything red or heard.